Every day is a gift. Today doesn't feel like it.
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I sometimes feel like there are two distinctly different personalities living inside my head. One loves all things outdoors and wants to spend her time catching fish, hunting and being in the great outdoors. The other longs to be a domestic diva, sewing, and cleaning and crafting her home into a heaven on earth. I long to have beautiful music in my home, and to create that music. I want order and structure, tidiness and contentment. Yet I get spun around in my head and end up spending the day watching 15 episodes of bones on netflix... or taking a 2.5 hour nap. How do I get myself to stay on task?
As a fish, I try to leap into the air and fly, I succeed for a few brief shining moments, only to fall back into the water struggling to breath, left with only the memory of the few moments I was flying....
As a fowl I dip over the waves, and plunge in, only to find I am not a fish... my wings are ill suited for swimming, and I am left paddling around on the surface like a lame duck, never truly experiencing the freedom of diving into the water and freely swimming.
Maybe there is a way to transform myself into a diving bird? so I can experience the aspects of all the things I love. This is what I must search fro.
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Well, not really, we still have the rental house, but our seller has officially decided to not sell their house... They have not made a payment in a year and a half... but hey whatever. So now I have children in schools, and am making this massive sacrifice to try to keep their lives from being to chaotic and I have no idea where we will end up living. Granted, most of the homes we can afford are in this school district.
But because of where we are living I'm afraid to even let people know the house has fallen through, becuae we are living outside of the school district and I don't want to have to go through all the enrollment stuff and the kids are comfy where they are and I don't mind so much driving them the rest of the school year, and then having them start wherever next fall. grrr so annoyed. I have school staff on my friends list.. so I'm afraid to even post on facebook. sigh. what to do what to do.
Jerks. They've known for a while they were not going to sell. they should have been more honest. I'm angry with them. and worried about stressing my kids and..... just frustrated. I want to be able to unpack!!!!
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The joys of interim living. I feel borderline homeless... I don't want to unpack and get too cozy, cause I know at any moment I could be packing it all up and moving again. But at the same time there are things in those boxes and the storage that would make life easier... like the couches... and the beds... sigh, I guess it seemed like a good idea to put all of that at the back of the storage... lol.
Then there's the fact that I am sleeping better on my camping pad than I do on my big cushy king size pillowtop. It's amazing how much stuff I have that I don't need. That's the other challenge, I am trying to go through each box and eliminate stuff we really don't use or need. It's time consuming and I really don't have the time... The drive time each day is a minimum of 4 hours. I am so grateful for the public school busing system. lol.
Our short sale currently is waiting on the seller to provide financials to the bank... they have been waiting for a week.... a bit frustrated that they are not doing their job. i guess this isn't the most important thing in their lives like it is in mine. I am grateful that i am able to find out exactly what is going on with my short sale via the lovely website, no information would be even more frustrating.
I've gotten 3 e-mails from tom. lol, for a total of about 12 sentences. He got my email, he misses me, and he's underway, which apparently is more restful than the last few weeks of refit. There will eventually be a mail drop and I have to figure out something cute and adorable to send him that will fit in a gallon size ziplock bag....I don't think Talon will fit.
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I decided I needed a better name for the blog I never use, so I'm trying again. I am not as clever or as witty as some of my talented friends with really cute names, and I wanted my blog title to personify me. Life throws all of us curve balls, some big, some little, and the only way to stay sane is to hold on, hold your head up and have faith that it will all sort out eventually. :) see how clever I am, please please, don't hold your applause, I need all the external validation I can get.
I can never decide how open I want a blog to be, or if I'd prefer it to be a private place to be alone with my thoughts, such as they are. but at the same time, don't we all want our 15 minutes of fame? no, actually, I want 15 minutes of acclaim from people I know, trust and respect. yeah, that would do it for me.
